Eragon, Chap. 3: This is a Joke, Right?

It is truly shocking how little I care about the goings-on in Carvahall, Eragon's village. Since I've read Eragon already and know what's going to happen, there's no tension in this chapter anymore. I wonder if this is one of the reasons I never read this book twice, despite how much I enjoyed it the first time around. So far it's the longest chapter in the book, and it's nothing but exposition.

Before I get into that, though, I want to pick apart the text.

"He helped himself to a piece of chicken, which he devoured hungrily."

Does anyone else see what's wrong with that sentence?

I've taken enough creative writing classes to know that you should (a) avoid adverbs and (b) use verbs for description.

I love how Stephen King put it in his memoir, On Writing:

“I believe the road to hell is paved with adverbs, and I will shout it from the rooftops. To put it another way, they’re like dandelions. If you have one on your lawn, it looks pretty and unique. If you fail to root it out, however, you find five the next day…fifty the day after that…and then, my brothers and sisters, your lawn is totally, completely, and profligately covered with dandelions. By then you see them for the weeds they really are, but by then it’s–GASP!!–too late.”

One or two adverbs here or there are okay. Too many, though, and they become annoying and repetitive, and make your writing look lazy and weak.

And this ties into into (b) use verbs for description.

Don't get me wrong, adjectives are great. But verbs are better.

Compare: 
"I don't like it," she said in a soft voice.
To:
"I don't like it," she whispered.

They both mean the same thing, but the second sentence should feel stronger and put a more immediate picture in your mind than the first. If it didn't, I've clearly done something wrong here. Like adverbs, adjectives can get ungainly when they're overused. Don't use two words when one will suffice.

If you haven't figured it out yet, my problem with the above sentence is two-fold. Obviously, I don't like "hungrily". But it's also redundant. If Eragon is "devouring", he's clearly hungry; there's no need to say he devoured something "hungrily".

"Eragon devoured the chicken."
"Eragon hungrily ate the chicken."

Either of these would have been better than what we got.

I just spent way too much time picking apart one sentence that's probably gone unnoticed by most readers.

As for the rest of this chapter, it's mostly just exposition. A good portion of it is just the villagers talking about how much they hate the Empire. I think it would be better if it was done using more dialogue and didn't rely on the narration so much, but it also seems to repeat itself a lot.

The most important part of this chapter comes at the end, when Brom tells the story of the Dragon Riders. They were a group of Mary Sues humans and elves who rode dragons and kept peace throughout the land. So, you know, Jedi, but with dragons. As you might imagine, some tragedy befell them, and now the Dragon Riders are no more. Or, as Brom tells it:

"'Some saw his abrupt rise as dangerous and warned the others, but the Riders had grown arrogant in their power and ignored caution. Alas, sorrow as conceived that day.'"

Hahaha! This is another case of flowery words backfiring. "Conceived"? Really?

"Brom, how did the Riders fall?"
"Well, Eragon, when a Dragon Rider loves arrogance very much, they conceive sorrow!"

The story is about a Rider named Galbatorix...

...yes, that's his real name. Not a name that he took after going crazy and becoming evil. Sigh.

Galbatorix's dragon was killed, he went crazy, and the Riders refused to give him a new one. Now, Brom talks a lot about how cunning Galbatorix is, and how skilled he was with magic and a sword. Basically, a real bad-ass. When he goes to overthrow the Riders, though, he can only do it with the help of an accomplice, Morzan.

"'Galbatorix convinced Morzan to leave a gate unbolted in the citadel Ilirea, which is now called Urû'baen.'"

Two things here: First, all of those names are so cringe-worthy. The dragon Galbatorix steals is even named "Shruikan". You know, "shuriken" spelled wrong.

Second, Brom spent so much time telling us how dangerous Galbatorix was on his own, I'm kind of finding it hard to believe that all he needed was a gate left open instead of melting the lock with magic, or blasting it open, or disguising himself as another Rider. Once Shruikan is all grown-up, Galbatorix and thirteen other defectors kill the other Dragon Riders. Vrael, leader of the Dragon Riders, fights Galbatorix, but...well, this is the part where I nearly threw the book down with rage.

"'As they fought, Galbatorix kicked Vrael in the fork of his legs. With that underhanded blow he gained dominance over Vrael and removed his head with a blazing sword. [. . .] And from that day, he has ruled us."

A crotch shot?

A CROTCH SHOT?!

THE WORLD WAS CHANGED BECAUSE OF A CROTCH SHOT?!

THE ENTIRE WORLD COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED IF VRAEL WORE A CODPIECE.

WHAT IS THIS SHIT.

The Magician's Nephew, Chapter 5: The Queen Said One Word, You Won't BELIEVE What Happens Next

I remember a fair bit about this book since I last read it. Digory and Polly wake up the evil witch Jadis, and they inadvertently take her to the new world of Narnia. I remember that it was Jadis's spell that put everyone to sleep, and left Charn in ruins.

What I didn't remember was how scary Jadis actually was before Digory and Polly found her. This chapter is dedicated to her backstory, and elucidates how Charn became frozen as it is now. Unfortunately, it doesn't give us an explanation as to why the people sitting outside her chamber start out looking kind and end up looking cruel. I suppose it was just used as a build-up to end in Jadis. That's understandable, because this is a children's book. I'm a little disappointed that there's no (apparent) deeper meaning behind this, because I'm an adult reading a children's book and expecting more depth than the author provides.

Jadis tells us that she and her sister were feuding for the throne,  giving us images that are a bit...graphic for a children's novel.

"'I have stood here (but that was near the very end) when the roar of battle went up from every street and the river of Charn ran red.'" 

Holy hell. I know that children's literature isn't sunshine and roses all the time, but that's pretty dark.

Like Uncle Andrew, Jadis's backstory has a backstory, and holes that I desperately want filled in. It also shows us that she's completely evil. I've been reading Clash of Kings, and some of the dialogue she has sounds like it would fit perfectly into the Game of Thrones series.

"'Then I spoke the Deplorable Word. A moment later I was the only living thing under the sun.'

'But the people?' gasped Digory.

'What people, boy?' asked the Queen.

'All the ordinary people,' said Polly, 'who'd never done you any harm. And the women, and the children, and the animals.'

'Do you understand?' said the Queen (still speaking to Digory). 'I was the Queen. They were all my people. What else were they there for but to do my will? [. . .] You must learn, child, that what would be wrong for any of the common people is not wrong in a great Queen such as I. The weight of the world is on our shoulders. We must be freed from all rules.'"

It's probably not fair to compare the two, but that mentality is basically the reason everyone in  A Song of Ice and Fire gets screwed over.

Jadis tells the children that there is a word--a "Deplorable Word"-- that is so powerful it would end Charn. The Word itself is a deep, dark secret that only the most powerful magicians in Charn ever knew it. And while we're comparing Narnia to things that Narnia shouldn't be compared to, it reminds me of the Monty Python sketch about the funniest joke in the world, which is so funny, you'll die when you hear it.

Most of Charn's magicians refused to learn the Word, and it was forbidden to ever use. Jadis didn't share their reluctance, and set out on an epic quest to learn the Word, and...

"'It was the secret of secrets,' said the Queen Jadis. 'It had long been known to the great kings of our race that there was a word, which, if spoken with the proper ceremonies, would destroy all living things except the one who spoke it. But the ancient kings were weak and soft-hearted and bound themselves and all who should come after them with great oaths never even to seek after the knowledge of that word. But I learned it in a secret place and paid a terrible price to learn it.'"

...Really? That's it?

This entire chapter is the story of how Charn ended up in this state, and we don't get to see the most interesting and intriguing part. Hell, we're not even told why Jadis was fighting her sister. I would probably read a whole book on Jadis's rise into power, her learning the Word, and killing Charn with it. That sounds like an awesome story. Or maybe a terribly generic one, but at least I'd get some of my questions answered.

Excuse me, I need to go and write a fanfiction now about Jadis's backstory.