The Supernaturalist, Chapter 3: Blowing Bubbles

When I was in high school, my dream was to become an author. I would stay up late writing, and I would read author's websites, and blogs written by people trying so damn hard to get published. I guess it's still my dream, but I've also learned that you can't live on the written word. Sooner or later, we all have to grow up and get real jobs. Despite what my younger self might think, being a grown-up isn't all that bad. In fact, it can be pretty fun. Sure, I don't have as much free time as I used to, and I have more responsibilities, but I also have money and more freedom. I want to go visit my friends in New Jersey for a weekend? Sure, I can just hop in my car and do that. But it's really all a trade-off.

But I've gotten off track now. Point being, I used to read a lot about how to get published, and I learned that your first three chapters have to be really strong. I used to worry that the opening chapters of my cliché fantasy story wouldn't stand up to editor scrutiny, especially because the plot didn't really kick off until the third chapter.

Of course, rereading my old work now, I can guarantee that no publisher in their right mind would pick up my various novels.

I'm not a publisher of any kind, but I daresay that this book wouldn't have any trouble catching interest in the first three chapters. Like I mentioned before, action in The Supernatrualist is continuous. Even when things slow down and there's no Parasite-blasting, there's always something happening. 

With the magic of science fiction (shut up, that phrase totally makes sense!), Cosmo and Mona have recovered enough to go Parasite hunting. In the past two chapters I've talked about how Colfer mainly uses the narration to explain the world, but this chapter uses dialogue more frequently. Not only is Cosmo the new guy on the team, but he's also spent his entire life in an orphanage. This means that he's a great "Straight Man" character. 

When you're writing sci-fi or fantasy, you need a way to explain the "rules" of the universe to the audience. Up to this point, Colfer has mainly put those explanations in the narration. In the first chapter, for example, Redwood threatens to "wrap" the escaping Cosmo and Ziplock, and the following paragraph explains that "wrap" means to "shrink wrap" someone, or coat them in a layer of plastic so they can't move. In this chapter, the other three main characters have to teach Cosmo about the equipment they're using, and what sort of crisis they're running into. It's his first day on the job, and he's got a lot to learn.

"Mona explained to Cosmo while strapping an extendable bridge on his back. 'The Big Pig is a twenty-four hour city, so factories revolve their buildings just as they revolve their shifts. Everybody gets eight hours quiet and eight hours south facing. For the other eight, you're working, so you don't care where your apartment is. The Satellite tried to squeeze two apartments into one space. Nasty.'

Cosmo shuddered. The Satellite had messed up again. This was becoming a regular occurrence." 

There. We've just learned about the technology the Supernaturalists are using, and a little bit about the world, too. If it isn't obvious now, I much prefer when information is presented to the reader through dialogue, but adding Cosmo's thoughts on the matter also works well. It makes the story flow better, I think, and doesn't take the reader out of the world.

Colfer also gives us more information about the universe in this chapter. Most of this doesn't get expanded upon later in the novel, but it helps flesh out the world itself.

"Diplomatic immunity had become more or less redundant since the One World treaty, but there was still the odd remote republic that held on to its rights."

One World treaty? I would probably read a novel based on just that.

Cosmo's first night out with the group is pretty action packed. They swoop into one of the apartments and blast Parasites, which burst into blue bubbles when the jolt of energy from the lightning rod hits them. Like the rest of the book, this chapter is fast-paced, and Cosmo's doing the best he can to keep up. It's a fun chapter that explains a lot of the technology the Supernaturalists use, like collapsible bridges to navigate across gaps in rooftops and "gumballs", a nonlethal but nasty goop that can also be used with the lightning rods.

Mona hits the Parasites with deadly accuracy, Stefan kills them obsessively, and Ditto heals wounded victims. Cosmo, on the other hand, isn't so sure about all this. The first time he takes aim at a Parasite, he can't bring himself to shoot at it. When he sees a group of them sucking life energy out of injured people, he realizes - or, perhaps, remembers - what monsters they are, and is finally able to start blasting them.

The Supernaturalists attract a fair amount of attention, bursting in, shooting at apparently nothing, and then fleeing as soon as the lawyers arrive. Lawyers might not sound so bad, until you realize that these guys don't carry brief cases; they carry lightning rods and rappelling rigs. Atticus Finch they ain't. Their job is to make sure the victims at the scene sign waivers, and make sure no one gets away from the scene. There's a delightful exchange between our heroes and a pair of lawyers, which ends with the lawyers getting hit with the aforementioned gumballs after Stefan distracts them. And then they're off to the next crisis.

In every action movie I've ever watched, the explosions don't start right away. It starts with the hero - usually some divorced, tough dad with a son who hates him - in his every day life. Going to work, getting a beer with friends, trying to get your kids to love you again. Then the aliens come, or the daughter gets kidnapped, and that's when shooting and throat-punching begins. Between Cosmo falling off the roof and Mona's nearly fatal illness, we haven't actually seen a normal day for this motley crew until this chapter.

Going out to emergencies and blasting Parasites, it turns out, is a normal day.  The rest of the novel can't be like this, or it would get pretty boring. This chapter was really laid out to show what their day-to-day (or, rather, night-to-night) life is like. Which tells me that the novel is going to change from here on out.

One thing that kind of annoys me is that Cosmo's not very defined as a character. It kind of makes sense, because he spent his whole life in an orphanage, and is out in the real world for the first time in his life. In the previous chapter, Cosmo even notes that the only thing he ever wanted was to get out of Clarissa Frayne, and now that he's done that, he doesn't know what he wants. He showed more personality when he hesitated killing the Parasites, but he's just not that well of a defined character. 

Following Mr. Plinkett's memorable characters test: describe a character without mentioning their appearance, occupation, or role within the story.

Stefan: Tall, dark, and brooding. He's a natural leader, dedicated to his goal, loves and misses his mother, obsessive when it comes to hunting Parasites.

Mona: Street-wise, quick to act, but also sassy. We know she has a soft spot at Stefan's mention of her always wanting to take in strays.

Ditto: Pacifist, humorous, alturistic, compassionate, and left his well-paying hospital job to work with Stefan. To him, helping people is more important than getting paid.

Cosmo: Hates Clarissa Frayne, isn't sure what to do now that he's out and...uh...

Well.  The good news is that it's still early in the book, and Cosmo has time to develop his character. That is the point of main characters, after all. They change. 

I'll just leave you with one last quote, and if this doesn't explain why fifteen-year-old me though Stefan was sexy as hell, nothing will:

"Stefan would be a big hit with the girls, if he ever stopped working long enough to bring one out on a date. He had all the right ingredients. Tall, dark, handsome in a beaten-up-once-too-often way. But Mona knew that Stefan did not have time for himself, let alone anyone else. He only had time for the Parasites."

Damn. 

The Supernaturalist, Chapter 2: Welcome to the World of Tomorrow!

There must be something wrong with me, because I was a little disappointed that Cosmo got out of the orphanage so quickly. I've always liked "institution" settings, be it a school for wizards, or a training camp to turn you into a secret agent. On the other hand, if he didn't get out at the end of the first chapter, I'm sure I'd be impatiently waiting for him to get out. You can only read about chemical tests for so long before it stops being interesting.

It's the same with Cosmo's recovery. He took some major damage when he fell off the rooftop and onto the generator, which Mona - the token girl - explains to Cosmo when he wakes up. He had to get his knee replaced, and his skull patched up with a "robotix plate" that Ditto happened to have around. Why the team medic had robotix plates that are used to armor assault tanks lying around is a question that never gets answered. Plus there were various stitches, bruises, and staples to deal with. Cosmo's on painkillers and sleeping through the first couple pages of this chapter, but he still heals up from all that remarkably quickly. A lot of it is explained away in the technology used for healing, like a "plexi-cast" that reduces swelling and somehow (magic?) repaired Cosmo's leg in something like twenty-four hours. He has trouble walking for a bit, but for the most part, the worst pain he feels is in his head. The rapid recovery shakes my suspension of disbelief a bit, because the only real explanation given is, "it's the future!" Of course, if the rest of the book was just Cosmo lying in bed, it would be pretty boring. I just think that it should have taken him longer to heal up.

Even so, the action doesn't let up when the three strangers - Stefan, Ditto, and an incredibly ill Mona - burst into the room. That's one thing I always liked about this book. There's no part in it that's boring. Okay, it's not all explosions and psychotic marshals, but even when it slows down, it's interesting. When Cosmo wakes up for the first time, for example, Mona gives him a rundown of his injuries and exactly what Ditto had to do to patch him up. That might sound dull, but even the explanation of the technology used to patch him up is different, and it helps worldbuild.

Speaking of, there's a lot of worldbuilding done in just the scene when Cosmo's rescuers come in. I like that it's not as direct in the first chapter, and has been done a bit more through dialogue. It's not without its flaws, though:

"'Close the curtains!' he shouted.

Cosmo pointed at the react-to-light control panel beside a window. 'But the glass. Why don't I just adjust...?'

'Because the police birds see right through react-to-light. That's why it comes with the building. Get it?'"

It seems to me shutting the curtains would be a lot quicker.

For the most part, I think it's a pretty good exchange, and gives you some good information about the world. I don't think the dialogue sounds all that natural, though, especially considering the characters are in an emergency situation. I think it would make more sense for Cosmo to just do as he's told here, but it is some good exposition.

It's revealed that Mona is ill because she got hit with a technically non-lethal dart that law enforcement can use, though it's only non-lethal as long as whoever gets hit by it sticks around long enough for the antidote. Cosmo comes to the rescue, as he's able to recognize Mona's symptoms, as those darts had been tested on the orphans at Clarissa Frayne.

I take it back. I'm glad Cosmo didn't stick around the orphanage any longer than he did.

He remembers that when the "creeper slugs", as they were called, were tested on the orphans, a moldy sandwich made one of them feel better. Ditto suddenly understands what's going on, and explains it in technobabble.

"Of course. This is is a flora virus. Cellulose would shut it down."

That's another line I didn't think twice about when I read this as a kid.  Now, I have to wonder how that even makes sense. Whatever, I'll roll with it. With Cosmo's knowledge and some chewed up flowers, the group saves Mona and sends her to her bunk to recover. Ditto and Stefan then take some time to properly introduce themselves, and their mission, to Cosmo.

The group: Stefan, Mona, Ditto, and now Cosmo, call themselves the Supernaturalists. They have the ability to see strange blue creatures that no one else can, which they call Parasites. The Parasites are invisible to most people. After a lifetime of living under the smog in Satellite City and a near-death experience, some people, usually kids, are able to see Parasites.

"'The sight usually comes after a near-death experience, and I think what happed to you qualifies as a near-death experience.'

'About as near as you can get,' added Ditto, rapping the plate in Cosmo's head." 

Not cool, Ditto. That probably hurt.

The Parasites are aptly named, as they suck life force. They used to only go to people who were dying, but in the past year their population has exploded, and they'll swoop down on almost anyone with an injury. The Supernaturalists have two weapons against them. First, Parasites don't like water, and will avoid it as much as possible. Since they also feed on energy, the Supernaturalists shoot electricity at them with "lightning rods". The charges are small enough that they wouldn't injure a person, but it destroys parasites. From day to day, the Supernaturalists monitor disasters and rush to them to fight Parasites. This causes plenty of problems for the motley crew, because you can't just expect to run into a dangerous situation, fire at apparently nothing, and not expect any consequences.

"'We observe Satellite sites, waiting for disasters.' 

'What, you hack the state police site?' 

Ditto chuckled. 'The state police site? No, thank you. We're in too much of a hurry to wait around for the police. We hack the law firms.'" 

And that's how you know it's cyberpunk.

Now that we know who the enemies are, let's look at the heroes of this story.

We'll start with Ditto. He looks like a child, but is actually twenty-eight years old. Ditto's a Bartolli Baby, part of a genetics experiment as an infant conducted to make super humans. Most of the babies had arrested physical development, but some, like Ditto, gained certain side-effects. Ditto is highly intelligent, and was a doctor before joining the Supernaturalists. His ability to see Parasites is another Bartolli side-effects. He also doesn't shoot Parasites, but goes in as a medic to help people that have been injured during disasters.

I don't know what it is--maybe too much time spent reading shojo manga--but I've always had a thing for angsty young men. Until I tried dating one, that is. Protip: leave your crushes on brooding guys and bad boys where they belong--in fiction.

Still, this description of Stefan sent my teenage hormones into overdrive:

"He was a charismatic figure, about eighteen, with haunted features. His jet-black hair stood in unruly spikes, and a pink scar stretched from the corner of his mouth, giving the impression of an impish grin, an impression that did not match the pain in his eyes. Eyes that were probably blue, but to Cosmo seemed blacker than outer space. It was obvious that Stefan was the leader of this little group. It was in his nature. The way he slouched in his char, the way Ditto automatically turned to him..."

It's not exactly a stretch of the imagination to figure out what happened to Stefan: his mother died, and the Parasites had something to do with it. This is confirmed by the end of the chapter, when he goes to the crematorium to visit his mother's ashes. We don't have the full story yet, but it's pretty obvious what happened. I don't think Stefan really sees fighting Parasites as revenge on them for taking his mother, but rather, a way for him to protect others. It's made clear right away that Stefan is the real leader in this group, even though he's about ten years younger than Ditto.

Mona is, as TV Tropes would put it, the Wrench Wench. It's a trope that I've seen more and more lately, but one I've always liked. She's the group's mechanic, and was involved in street gangs at some point before joining the Supernaturalists. And, without getting all Social Justice Warrior here, Mona is the only person of color in the group, and (if I recall correctly) of the main characters. This is something that I didn't notice or even think about when I first read the book. I could talk about privilege or white washing or a number of topics, but there are plenty of other blogs dedicated to just that. I want to focus on the writing.

One of the reasons this caught my attention was that Mona was the only character whose race was described. I'm currently working on a story where the majority of the setting's population are multi-racial, and I'm trying to find the best way to express this. I'm not great at describing characters' physical appearances, and I've found describing skin tone challenging. I've read enough descriptions of characters with "caramel" or "cinnamon" skin, but I've also read enough complaints that terms like that exocticise POC. I've also noticed that if you don't specify a race or skin tone, readers are likely to picture that character as White. Colfer just said that Mona is Latina, and left it there. I don't think that's a bad way of doing it.

But what do I know? I'm just a middle-class White girl who needs to check her privilege.

 

 

The Supernaturalist, Chapter 1: Cosmonaut Hill

It's time to take a break from manga for the time being, and move on to books that have more words than pictures.

This time, our trip down memory lane will take us into the future, with The Supernaturalist by Eoin Colfer. Colfer's probably most known for the Artemis Fowl series, though he did write several stand-alone novels (and adult novels now!) I never got into the Artemis Fowl books, but have enjoyed Colfer's other works. I first read The Supernaturalist when I was fifteen, and remember enjoying it a lot. It's not typical of what you would normally think of Colfer's books, in that it's science-fiction. No faeries, no demons and angels, but a lot of cool technology. That's not to say that it's without its otherworldly creatures--this is Eoin Colfer we're talking about, after all.

And before I go any further, I want to point out that "Eoin" is pronounced "Owen". This is because Gaelic makes no sense.

The introduction to the book, the main character, and the world itself are very direct. It starts with a baby, abandoned in Satellite City, where the book takes place. The baby (named Cosmo Hill, as he was found on Cosmonaut Hill) is sent to Clarissa Frayne Institute for Parentally Challenged Boys, the kind of orphanage that Miss Hannigan would be proud to run. Clarissa Frayne makes all its money through product testing. That is, the boys they take in become test subjects for various companies. Just in the introduction, we're told that Cosmo's "teeth were white than white, and his hair was lustrous and flake-free; but his insides felt like they were being scored with a radioactive wire brush." It's quickly established that the life expectancy for an orphan at Clarissa Frayne is fifteen years old. Fourteen-year-old Cosmo knows that he's running out of time, and is determined to escape.

This is all told to use within the first seven paragraphs of the book. 

Normally, I wouldn't like an introduction like this. There's no dialogue, no action, just facts about the world and the main character. However, I have been reading Neuromancer by William Gibson lately, and Gibson doesn't explain anything. It's fine to leave your characters in the dark, and it's fine to withhold information from the audience. However, you shouldn't withhold so much information that the reader doesn't have a clue what's going on. Like whether your characters are on a space station or on Earth. Really, Gibson, it's not that hard. Just say they're on a fucking space station already, so I don't have to keep guessing.

But I digress.

After the introduction to the main character and the setting, we finally get to see what Cosmo's life is like at the orphanage. Even though The Supernaturalist doesn't sport the matrix, hackers, or AI, I would still say that it's a cyberpunk novel. It has many staples of the genre: high-tech, low life; the heroes are criminals and outcasts; powerful corporations; Earth a decade or so into the future, and that future is terrible. This book was my introduction to cyberpunk, which I enjoy a lot.

Cosmo's day-in, day-out routine isn't easy, especially since he's a human guinea pig. The orphans are rounded up, put through whatever product testing needs to be done for the day, then get sent back to their "dorm" to rest for the night. I bring up the dorm specifically because it was something that really confused me when I first read this book.

"The rooms were actually sections of cardboard utility pipe that had been sawed into six-foot lengths. The pipes were suspended from a network of wires almost fifty feet off the ground. Once the pipes were occupied by orphans, the entire contraption swayed like an ocean liner."

This setup was something I found nearly impossible to picture as a teenager. I think it was "pipes" that threw me off. I can visualize it better now, but don't really see how something - pipes and wires holding who knows how many kids - could be stable. Even though it's made clear from the start that Clarissa Frayne doesn't really care about the well-being of its "no-sponsors", I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want the whole thing to collapse.

I also want to know what they do with babies that come into the Institute. I imagine there's some kind of nursery, but when do they decide that the kids are old enough to be product testers? Or are they given experimental formula right from the get-go? Considering the way these kids are treated, I'm guessing it's the latter.

We actually don't see too much of Clarissa Frayne in this first chapter, because most of the real action starts when the orphans are being transported back to the institute. I also like how Colfer fits in little details about the world without being too overt about it. For example, when Cosmo takes a survey, it's a "sixty-kilobyte questionnaire" and he ticks off answers with a "digi-pen". It's a small detail, but it tells you that this setting is influenced heavily by electronics. This only gets reinforced when we learn about the Satellite. The Satellite runs almost everything in the city (Appropriately, called Satellite City, nicknamed "The Big Pig"), including the vehicles. When the bus Cosmo's in loses its link to the Satellite,  the driver doesn't even know how to control it manually using the steering wheel. While it begs the question, "why have a driver in the first place?" this event kicks off Cosmo's escape.

The bus gets slammed onto its side by other vehicles that are still linked to the Satellite, making them essentially on autopilot. After a collision leaves on its side, most of the adults - the marshals - are badly injured and out for the count. Mostly. There are only two marshals that are given names and Redwood is one of them. Not only is he wholly unpleasant, he's sadistic and has no problem choking one of his charges, who happens to be cuffed to Cosmo. Redwood actually lets Cosmo and Ziplock get off the bus and make a break for the city. Unbeknownst to them, they're still being tracked, and all Redwood has to do is follow their tracker patterns to get to the kids, which gives us this exchange:

"Redwood keyed the talk button on his communicator. 'Fred. Send the Hill C and Murphy F tracker patterns to my handset.'

Fred cleared his throat into the mike. 'Uh...the tracker patterns?'

Redwood ground his teeth. 'Dammit, Fred, is Bruce there? Put Bruce on.'"

It goes on for a couple more paragraphs, with Redwood having to explain step-by-step how to email those tracker patterns. This could have been done to explain to the reader how it works, or as a way to give Cosmo and his cuffed partner more time. It didn't really seem important to me when I first read the book, but now I love it.

Wherever you work, you will always have the one idiot coworker who doesn't know what they're doing. If you're lucky, they'll also make your job difficult due to their incompetence. And if you're really lucky, like me, you will be the one person in the entire office that everyone comes to when they have IT problems. Then they act like you're a wizard when you fix it, but all you've done is Google the solution.

Or maybe that's just me. Anyway, I appreciate that even in the future, there will still be idiots who don't know how to do their jobs.

Redwood catches up to the boys on a rooftop, and he grabs Ziplock's jumpsuit at the edge of the roof to try to take him back. The jumpsuit rips, however, sending Ziplock and Cosmo over the edge, and landing on a generator. Both receive a huge electrical shock and get blown off the roof. Ziplock dies, Cosmo is badly hurt. He sees strange blue creatures land on him, and they seem to be sucking away his life force. He is rescued by three strangers who are reluctant to take Cosmo with them, until he starts talking about the blue creatures.

The story itself has a few good twists that really keep the plot moving, and there's a lot of foreshadowing when Cosmo meets the group. On one hand, it makes me feel smart that I can recognize the plot points before they become plot points, but on the other, it makes me cringe a little bit. Not because it's too clunky or poorly written, but because a lot of trouble could have been avoided by one character speaking up sooner.

Reading this now, the exposition does bother me a little bit. In a sci-fi or fantasy setting, I much prefer information being gradually revealed, usually through characters telling the new guy what's going on. It's needed in this chapter, though, with Cosmo and Ziplock already being familiar with the "rules" of the universe they live in. I much prefer it to having no information, at any rate. There were also a couple things I noticed that I didn't when I first read this book. The first chapter seems much darker to me, for a start. A kid gets killed, Redwood only gives them the chance to escape so he has an excuse to punish them; Ziplock, specifically, because he's the one who's always mouthing off at Redwood. It's kind of disturbing how the adults are so casual about using the kids as test subjects.

There's also Ziplock's death. Reading this as an adult and well past the age of the protagonists, it seems much sadder to me that he died so young. When you're fifteen, anything over eighteen years old seems old. Turning twenty seems like it's a million years away. So, fourteen years seems like a decent amount of time. As an adult and twentysomething, I can see that it is much to short of a time to live.

Rave Master Vol. 2, Chap. 13: It MUST be a Glass Ceiling...

This is it. We've finally come to the last chapter of the second volume of Rave Master, lucky number 13. It moves fast, and there's not a lot of plot to talk about here. The chapter begins with Musica #2 facing off against Lance.

Lance's sword is able to create illusions of beasts when he swings it. He uses the illusions to distract Musica, and then go in to attack. After his first attack, things get a little stupid.

First, Lance stops the battle because Elie's time is up. That is, the deadline for Haru to arrive with Rave is past. Wounded Musica doesn't try to stop him, other than yelling at him. Elie, doesn't move, even though she was cut loose and her legs function absolutely fine.

Seriously. She doesn't even attempt to escape. She doesn't get up, doesn't run, just sits there and screams Haru's name. I know that she's scared, and that Haru was supposed to save her, but I don't think my last word would be my rescuer's name, especially when that rescuer doesn't show up in time. My last words are much more likely to be "Fuck you!" or "This is a cool way to die!"

Fortunately, Haru comes bursting onto the scene...through the ceiling.

This is something I thought was awesome as a kid, and ridiculous as an adult. It just leaves me with so many questions:

• How did Haru get up to the roof in the first place?
• Musica already cleared the yard of guards, why didn't he just go through the front door?
• Lance essentially invited Haru to come and bring him Rave, so shouldn't the goons be expecting him and just let him through?
• How many floors does this place have?
• How thick is that roof, that a sixteen-year-old kid can break through?
• Shouldn't Haru have some kind of injury from falling through the ceiling?
• Why the ceiling?
• Should I give up trying to apply logic to this universe?

 Musica warns Haru about Lance's tactic, but Haru already knows. Musica the Blacksmith taught him secret of Lance's sword: that it can only make illusions when it does a full swing. By blocking his attack, Haru is able to prevent him from creating any distracting illusions. Just when it looks like Haru has the advantage, Lance creates another illusion, this time without swinging his sword...

And that's it. That's the end of volume 2.

Re-reading this, I remember why I loved the series when I was younger, but I also understand why my slightly older sister said that it was dumb. The Rave Master universe is a weird, goofy place, but it's also filled with villains that don't fit the light-heartedness in the background. One chapter is about saving dogs, another chapter is about a man's family getting massacred. I think the biggest problem I have is that the darker problems get solved too easily, like Musica the Blacksmith suddenly giving up alcohol after meeting Haru. This time around, I thought Haru was dumb, rather than heroic, but I think that idealism is a big part of his character. The villains weren't very interesting, and Georco was more annoying than threatening.

Even so, it was fun to read through again.

Final Verdict: For Sale

Even though I bought it more than ten years ago, the book itself is in pretty good shape. Rave Master is an entertaining series, and I'm sure some other young otaku will enjoy it.

Starting next Monday, I'll be reveiwing a high school favorite of mine: The Supernaturalist by Eoin Colfer. Stick around! 

Rave Master, Vol. 2, Chapter 12: Your Basic DID

Chapter 12 begins with Musica reforging the sword that once was broken, the Ten Power's sword. Here's where I start to get really incredulous. Haru has, at this point, less than two hours to save Elie; therefore, he needs his sword finished in time. Musica even tells him that in his prime, it took a day for him to make a sword. Now, I don't know much about metalwork, but I'm pretty sure it would be pretty damn hard, if not  impossible, to repair a sword in under two hours. Add on the fact that Musica's been drunk for the past 15 years, it seems to me this would be well out of the realm of possibility. But story trumps logic, and Musica is able to fix the sword in no time flat. Haru promises to destroy Lance's sword, and is off to save the girl.

Meanwhile, Elie is chained in Lance's place, and reminds me why I like her so much. Even though she's a damsel in distress and waiting for the guys to save her, she's still a fun and upbeat character. She's not panicking or crying or just saying Haru's name, like that will bring him faster. Maybe it's a bit ridiculous that she's doing this even when she's threatened with a sword, I appreciate that she brings some levity to her situation.

Musica the Gangster is waiting for Haru outside Lance's mansion, but decides to go in by himself as the clock winds down. He wastes no time in beating up the guards outside getting in. His next exchange will Elie represent a huge difference between the thirteen-year-old reading this manga and me, as an adult reading this manga.

If this was how GoT treated sexual abuse, I might actually watch it.

Maybe it's because I've finally read the first book of Game of Thrones, maybe it's because I'm more aware of sexual assault and rape now than I was, maybe it's just because I'm an adult and have learned that the world is dangerous, even moreso if you're a woman...I always get on edge when I hear about situations - fictional or not - like these.

Cute, young girl gets captured by a strong, powerful man with no morals, who has her chained up and could do anything he wanted to to her. If this were Game of Thrones, or a crime novel, maybe a TV drama with adults as a target audience, you know exactly where this is going to go.

But it doesn't. There's nothing sexual about this scene. Elie claims that Lance was trying to look down her shirt, but she says that it was a joke. I'm so glad that this scene didn't go anywhere near that. I remember that Rave Master gets dark in some places. There's death, suicide, and some reasonably adult themes in the series. But it never goes into sexual assault. There's a lot of reasons why this might be the case. It's an action manga, rather than a drama; the target audience is teenagers; it's too dark.

Whatever reasons Mashima decided not to use it, I'm glad.

I'm also glad that when I was reading this as a young adolescent, the idea that Elie might be raped never even crossed my mind.  It's a small piece of innocence, but innocence nonetheless. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I could still think like that.

Musica fights Lance's bodyguard, Bis, and there are more puns. When it becomes apparent that Musica is going to win,  Lance cuts down Bis, to prove just how evil he is. Evil, but not interesting. As Musica steps up to fight Lance, Musica the Blacksmith has just finished repairing Haru's sword. Haru learns that Musica the Blacksmith's family was murdered by Lance, and Haru vows to destroy Lance's sword, ending chapter 12.

Right now the story seems pretty generic. Girl gets kidnapped by bad guy, hero goes to save girl, bad guy has no real motivation to be so bad. It really bugs me that Lance is just evil for the sake of being evil. The best villains are the ones that do wrong for reasons they think are right. A good villain believes in something. Lance? He believes in hurting people, mainly for shits 'n' giggles. I don't know about you, but that's not a cause I can get behind.

Rave Master, Vol. 2 Chapter 10-11: In Your Eyes

Chapter 10 starts with Haru and Elie meeting up, both happy to tell the other that they've found Musica, which might have resulted in some kind of "Who's on first" comedy, if not for the fact that our heroes get interrupted by Demon Card goons. Haru, Hot-or-Not Musica and Elie start fighting with the mooks, though Elie is quickly rendered useless when her tonfa blasters stop working.

There are also puns.

I love a good pun (is that an oxymoron?), but this just made me groan, and I'm pretty sure the thirteen-year-old version of me was rolling her eyes as well. The trio seem to be in a tight spot, but are saved by a drunken Plue, stabbing his nose into their feet. Why no one thought to kick a small, uncoordinated animal is beyond me. Did their sisters also teach them you shouldn't be cruel to animals?

Once Haru, Elie, and Musica #2 are out of danger, Musica reveals that his family was killed in an accident years ago, and the blacksmith is clearly a fraud. I think this is supposed to build tension, but if you've ever watched an anime or read a manga, you already know that the two Musicas are going to be long-lost something or others, and probably have special powers because of that.

Anyway, it turns out Haru did leave the Rave stone with Musica the Blacksmith, because...

You met the guy twenty minutes ago, and he was horribly, horribly drunk. You've been attacked, and have been told that the country only gets more dangerous as you travel. WHY THE HELL DID YOU GIVE HIM THE RAVE STONE?!

I'll let Musica the Blacksmith sum up my thoughts on this chapter:

Moving on to chapter 11, we get our first glimpse of Lance. He wastes no time in kidnapping Elie, and this is where I realize that she'll probably be pretty useless for the rest of the series. From what I remember, another volume of Rave Master consists of almost nothing but Elie needing Haru to rescue her. I don't remember a lot of the series aside from some scenes that really stood out, but I really, really hope that she won't be the damsel in distress all time time. Lance gives Haru two hours to bring him the Rave stone, or he'll kill Elie. Because this is still early in the series, there's no real need to be original, right?

Haru goes back to Musica the Blacksmith to get his sword repaired, only to find Musica being attacked by mooks. Musica says that he's hidden the Rave somewhere they'll never find it. To me, that sounds like a secret hiding spot, maybe someplace in his disused forge, or underneath a floorboard, or maybe Musica has a secret room full of awesome swords that he's forged in the past. Or, you know, in a drawer in plain view of everyone.

The goons are cleared out with a couple punches and Haru explains the situation to Musica. Musica initially refuses to fix the Ten Powers sword, citing that he's old and washed up. That doesn't take a keen observer to see. Haru convinces Musica to forge a sword again, not by impressing upon him the need to have a weapon and save Elie's life--but because he believes in him. 

I've read a lot of manga in my time, and this is a medium that truly believes that eyes are the windows to the soul. "You still love him, I can see it in your eyes." Or, "You're strong, I see it in your eyes." Or, perhaps most shojo of all, "You've got fire in your eyes." It seems like a cool sentiment the first time you read it, but then you read it over, and over, and over again. It would seem that all you need to perform a small miracle in the face of insurmountable odds is to look deeply into someone's eyes and tell them what you see there. In this case, its "You're better than that. I can see it in your eyes."

Musica isn't so readily swayed by Haru's Peter Gabriel-esque charm, but decides to fix the sword when he learns that Haru will be fighting Lance. Lance, it turned out, killed Musica's entire family.

When I was a kid, I thought Lance was evil, evil, evil. He killed Musica's family for no reason! How much worse could you get?

And that's the problem with Lance that I see as a grown-up. He had no characteristics other than being a psychopath. He is evil for the sake of being evil. He reasons behind it, his motivations, are never further explored. The only backstory we have on this guy is that he killed Musica's family.

I'm not against fictional psychopathic characters, as long as they're interesting. There are plenty of well-written characters who are evil for shits 'n' giggles, the kind that give you chills when you think about how anyone could be that coldblooded. Not Lance. If we knew anything about him other than "I like to kill things", maybe he could have been a great villain. Instead, he just falls flat.

Rave Master Vol. 2 Chapter 9: Speedy Sober Up

There's one thing I've always loved about Rave Master: the cover art for each of the chapters. It's the sort of thing I would draw if I had any artistic ability. Every time I see one of them I think that Mashima must have had a grand time working on them. They don't have anything to do with the story, they're just fun. The one for chapter nine, though, was my favorite as a kid and is my favorite as an adult.

I just love that! Where's that manga? I would absolutely read Rave Master as a medieval fantasy. Of course, I'm reading it now anyway, so....

Anyway, Haru, Elie and Plue make their way to Punk Street. Like the rest of the manga so far, I'm having the most fun looking at the settings that Mashima's put in. There's a lot to see, and often jokes or small stories going on behind the main one. It's an enjoyable Easter egg hunt.

The trio decides to split up, Haru and Plue to get food, and Elie to go gambling. I don't know exactly what money Elie has to go gambling with, as she spent everything she had on the dog race earlier. I'm pretty sure she didn't get any of her cash back after blowing up the stadium. They both agree to look for Musica and meet back later.

Anyway, I had to stop reading for a minute when I came to this panel:

FINALLY.

It always bewildered me that people would see Plue and think, "it's a dog". Or, worse, "it's a bug". People are actually freaking out about the weird thing eating lollipops.

I remember watching the anime Gankutsuou when I was in high school, and one of the characters in it had blue skin. One, out of the entire cast. No one every said, "hey, he has blue skin, that's weird." It bugged the hell out of me. So, everyone's bewilderment over what the hell Plue is - even if only for one panel - is awesome, and so much better than the crowd accepting him the minute the see him.

Alcohol dependency! Hilarious!

Anyway, Haru runs into a crazy drunk guy at the restaurant who claims to know where to find Musica. Haru tries to get the drunk guy home, who engages in some dancing and some crying, antics that were hilarious to me as a kid, but not so much anymore.


More hilarity does (not) ensue when Plue gets drunk as well. Haru, frustrated by all this, throws a conveniently placed bucket of water at the drunk. As soon as the water hit him, he begins to melt--

--No, wait, that would make more sense than what actually happens next.

As soon as he gets doused, he sobers up.

This is another trope I can't stand. Please allow Morbo to explain:

Listen up, anime. We need to have a little talk about alcohol:

• If you are drunk and have a bucket of water thrown on you, you don't become sober. You become drunk and wet.
• If you've been off your face for days and suddenly hear that the man who murdered your father is in town, your oath of vengeance will not sober you up. You will be drunk and pissed off.
• If you've drank too much sake at the cherry blossom festival and an alien attacks, you will not become sober just long enough to save the day. You're more likely to trip over your katana that your master handed down to you than anything.
• If you wait long enough and rehydrate yourself, you will become sober, often followed by a hangover.

I know that suspension of disbelief lets fiction get away with a lot, but this is ridiculous. 

Anyway, the magically sober man finally reveals that he is Musica, the legendary blacksmith, surprising absolutely no one. He agrees to fix the Ten Powers sword with the caveat that Haru stays away from the shop during that time.

One weird thing I remember about Rave Master is that the name of Haru's sword changes between the first and second volumes. The sword itself has ten different forms, and Haru can switch between its forms if he has the right Rave stone. In the first book, it was called the Ten Commandments. Maybe because I was raised Catholic and went to Catholic school for most of my life, I thought this was a completely badass name for a sword. In the second book, it's known as the Ten Powers. I have to wonder if Mashima changed the name of the sword, if there was some kind of translation error, or if keeping the name "Ten Commandments" was too potentially offensive for Western audiences.

Tokyopop - at least when I was reading manga all the freaking time - wasn't known for being consistent with names, especially with fantasy series when there's lots of made-up names. I thought that the sword's name might change from volume to volume, but it remained the "Ten Powers" sword ever since.

Translated manga is weird.

If you ask me, Haru probably shouldn't have left his sword with a drunk guy that he met not ten minutes ago. Especially because the minute he leaves the smithy, you find out Musica agreed to give Haru's Rave stone to Demon Card.

So...Demon Card doesn't know Haru's in town, didn't know Haru would be going to Musica, and trusted an alcoholic with that is incredibly important.

Oh, wait, maybe they trusted Musica with it because he can magically sober up.

No, Rave Master, I'm not forgiving you for that one.

C'mon, he's a total bad boy!

At the same time, Elie is gleefully leaving a casino and runs into another guy...who also happens to be named Musica. Now, as a thirteen-year-old girl reading this, I was always on the lookout for bishis. That is, the pretty anime boys worthy of squealing over. The moment I saw Musica #2, I knew he was the bishi I had been waiting for.

Yep, I immediately declared him the hot guy and ran to show my sister his picture. She saw him and informed me that he was "butt ugly". And if my older sister didn't like he was cute, then he probably wasn't. After all, she knew more about that kind of thing than I did.

And so chapter 9 ends, with me wondering if Musica #2 was cute or not.

Rave Master Vol. 2, Chapters 7-8: My Sister Taught Me That!

Haru was mostly raised by his older sister, and he really took whatever she taught him to heart. I know this, because he's always talking about, "my sister taught me that!" I remember that he said something along those lines a lot early in the series, and I remember that it really annoyed me. Possibly because I was thirteen when I first read these books, and therefore my older sister - if you were to ask me - was an idiot. Re-reading these now, it still bugs me a little bit. Not because Haru's taking his older sister's advice, but because he mentions "my sister told me..." so often. The other reason is because everything that Haru's sister has taught him is completely obvious.

Take a drink every time Haru talks about what his sister taught him.

Really, Haru? Dogs are getting impaled on spikes and exploded, but you need your sister's advice to figure out that animal cruelty is bad?

Despite Elie's warnings, Haru interrupts the race again. This was Georco's plan all along, of course: to put Plue in the dangerous race and lure Haru out. Now, there is one thing, and one thing only I will applaud Georco on: he learned from his mistakes. Instead of fighting Haru out in the open, where another explosion could blow his gaseous form away, Georco traps him in a giant steel box with no way out - in other words, no fresh air for Haru to breathe. It kind of begs the question why Georco had a giant, ten foot tall box laying around in the first place, but I can forgive that, because the ridiculous trap was pretty effective. However, I cannot forgive Georco for constantly referring to it as the "Smoke Hiz-ouse". A part of me died every time I had to read that phrase.

 Without oxygen, Haru can't make explosions, and so it looks like he's screwed.

The day is saved by Elie, and I love that, purely because it's the girl saving the guy, and not the other way around. She uses her tonfa blasters (which are like side-arm cannons, I actually like them) to blow up the smoke house to let Haru escape. Plue manages to steal Georco's dark bring, so he can no longer turn himself into gas. Out in the open again, Haru delivers the final blow to Georco, thus finishing our first Monster of the Week.

With all the action, there wasn't a lot of plot in Chapter 7, so we'll move on to Chapter 8.

Now that Georco's been taken down, Haru and Elie take a minute to talk. Of course, this is after Elie nearly blows up half the stadium with her tonfa blasters.

That's actually good advice, Haru. Don't stick it in crazy.

It turns out the Elie knows where to find Musica, the blacksmith that can repair Haru's sword. She also reveals what little there is to reveal about her backstory: she has lost her memory. It's a tired trope at this point, but what I like about Elie is that she's not angsty about it. There's plenty of "waaah, I can't remember!" characters out there, but Elie is happy, excitable, and generally a fun character, rather than being mopey about it. She doesn't take up too much time feeling sorry for herself, which is nice to see. Yes, she would like her memory back, but she's also not going to let herself be miserable over it.

Haru and Elie decide to leave Hip Hop Town together. They say that Demon Card is out of commission, so they won't have to pay the fee to leave. But how does punching the daylights out of Georco take down an evil organization that's clearly taken over the town? I'm sure Georco has some underlings who would gladly take over his role as boss. Or maybe that's the end of dog racing in Hip Hop Town forever because Elie completely destroys the stadium. 

Seriously. She's so excited to be leaving town with Haru that she lets off another couple shots from her tonfa blaster and the stadium starts to collapse. Her reason: 

THAT IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO EXPRESS HAPPINESS.

The duo escape the stadium by...jumping on a chariot pulled by dogs. I'm not joking. This whole series is so goofy, though, that I think I've learned just to go with it by now.

We're nearly at the end of the chapter, but there's just one more thing I want to bring up. We get a brief cutaway to some of Demon Card's generals, hanging out in the fortress Rhapsodia. 

This is when it hit me.

Rhapsodia, like "rhapsody". Song continent. Hip Hop Town and Punk Street.

THE TOWNS ARE ALL NAMED AFTER MUSIC GENRES.

Ever since I was a kid I thought that all the town names in Rave Master were really dumb. And I never once thought there was a musical motif in the names. HOW THE HELL DID I MISS THAT?

It turns out the town names aren't dumb; I am.

Rave Master Vol. 2, Chapter 6: Down with the Kids Today

Chapter 6 starts with Haru facing off against Georco. And I hate Georco. There are plenty of reasons to dislike a villain, but I don't hate him because he's villainous and actively trying to kill our hero. That's just part of what villains do.

I hate him because of the way he talks.

Did you ever have a teacher who wanted to prove he could talk to kids by attempting to use their slang, but was a few years behind what everyone else was saying? Or see middle-class kids who listen to rap music and then decide they're "ghetto" too, and try to act like it? Has your mom ever tried to talk to you using words like "swag" or "fleek" or whatever the hell it is those darn kids are saying today?

Georco sounds like all those people.

#YOLO #BILBOSWAGGINS

I think that he's supposed to sound cool and "with it", or maybe it has something to do with the way the manga was translated. Maybe "I've peeped this cat before" sounds really cool in Japanese, instead of something ripped from a 1920s gangster movie.

An annoying and otherwise forgettable one-shot villain is made utterly detestable because of his dialogue, and for a twist, it's not what he says, it's how he says it.

Georco has a Dark Bring, which gives him the power to turn into carbon monoxide. That's...actually kind of cool, now that I think about it. The way Georco's attack names are translated, though, seem weird. The first attack Georco uses is called "Toxic Gas Blast", because when you live in a manga, you always need to announce exactly what you're doing to your enemy. However, a footnote lets us know that the original name of the attack is "CO Heaven". That sounds a lot more bad-ass, if you ask me. So why bother changing it? It would probably help me take the character more seriously.

Even though his sword is broken, Haru can still use the power of Rave to make explosions. He can't hit Georco directly, so instead he creates an explosion to blow smoky Georco away.

Hang on a second. A thought just occurred to me. Isn't carbon monoxide invisible? If Georco really turned into carbon monoxide, why can we still see him? Because it seems to me it would be a lot smarter for him to just disappear from view and asphyxiate Haru. The kid was having a hard enough time with the fight when he could see Georco.

Anyway, Haru manages to get away from Georco, but isn't in good shape after their fight. In fact, he completely forgets to rescue Plue as he makes his escape. You know, the thing that made him break up the race in the first place. Okay, he's in respiratory distress at the moment, so I'll handwave this one. For now. What I can't forgive is how easily the mooks chasing Haru overlook him.

He's RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE.

Haru hides under a desk where a girl named Elie is sitting.  Haru's foot is clearly visible as Mook #1 approaches. Surely, our hero will have to find a clever way to get out of this mess and hide himself, or...

Nope. The thug gets told to go away, and...he does. Even though it's obvious to everyone that Haru is hiding and Elie has the physique of a stick insect, and is in no way intimidating.

How did I let them get away with this when I was a kid?

With that potentially exciting scene squandered, Haru takes a minute to catch his breath, literally, and talks with Elie. It turns out that Demon Card has a lot of power in Hip Hop Town and anyone who wants to leave has to pay a huge fee to Demon Card. This kind of makes me wonder at the implications of this for Hip Hop Town's economy, but that's neither here nor there. Elie tells Haru her plan for getting out of Hip Hop Town: she's bet all her money on the dog race. This...is very poor financial planning. 

It turns out Elie's placed her bets on Plue to win the Battle Road race. Battle Road is essentially greyhound racing meets the Hunger Games. 

Am I a bad person because I think that sounds kind of awesome?

It is decidedly not awesome for the dogs participating, because along with them attacking each other, there's all sort of traps set around the race track, like spears that pop out of the ground and explosions. Even though Elie claims that no dog has ever died on Battle Road, I'm finding that a little hard to believe. 

Her reasoning for putting all her money on Plue? She's convinced that he's a bug who will fly at the end of the race. I know Elie's supposed to be a goofy character, but...really? He barely looks like a dog, how the hell did you look at Plue and decide he was a bug?

Haru wants to rescue Plue, but since Elie's bet everything she has on the race, she refuses to let Haru do so, and threatens to alert Demon Card thugs if he tries to stop the race. And so ends chapter 6.

I'm trying to remind myself of the MST3K Mantra: "Remind yourself it's just a show, I should really just try to relax". It's perfectly normal for goons to make bad choices and heroes to, likewise, make bad choices. It's what propels a story along. So I'll forgive the story for now, and try to enjoy its goofiness. 

Rave Master, Volume 2, Chapter 5: Introduction

Through junior high, high school, and early college, I was an otaku. That phrase itself dates me, as I believe the acceptable term today is "weeaboo." The point being, for a long while I was an anime and manga fan, and was probably pretty obnoxious about it.

Being an anime geek when I was growing up wasn't like it is today. You couldn't go down to FYE and buy a DVD of your favorite show, and Netflix didn't exist, so you bought box sets from eBay with your parents' credit card. If you wanted merchandise - a t-shirt, a plushie - you were probably out of luck, unless you were looking for pokémon.

If you went to my school, there were a few rules you had to follow. You had to hide your nerdiness away. That meant you didn't hang up pictures of your favorite anime characters in your locker, you didn't talk about your favorite shows to people who weren't otaku, and you definitely didn't bring your manga to school. Naturally, I broke all these rules. When you're so unpopular most of your classmates don't bother to register your existence, you haven't got much to lose.

So it was in eighth grade, the worst time of anyone's life, when I discovered manga. The second volume of Rave Master was one of the first mangas I ever owned, and I remember loving the series. My older sister read it as well, but declared that it was dumb. More than a decade later, I've started re-reading it to determine who was right.

I never actually owned the first volume of Rave Master, but I remember it well enough. It starts with our hero, Haru, living with his older sister on a small island. Haru is an orphan because of course he is. While fishing one day, Haru catches a creature named Plue, which looks like a snowman with four legs, though is frequently referred to as a dog. Plue is the bearer of Rave, a magical stone that was broken into pieces at the end of a war to stop something called the Overdrive, or a really large explosion.

Plue is shortly joined by Shiba, an old man with a spike on his head. The spike really bothered me, until I realized it was a tuft of hair that made him resemble a unicorn.

Shiba, it turns out, is the current Rave Master. That is, the only person who can use the Rave stones. With Shiba also comes Demon Card, the evil organization that's searching for Rave. Eventually, it's discovered that Haru is the new Rave Master, and now he must find all the pieces of Rave and defeat Demon Card. Because we can't have a manga series starring an old man now, could we? That would be ridiculous!

Near the end of the book, the Ten Powers sword breaks, and Haru leaves his island to find Musica, the blacksmith that first forged the sword, to repair it. Haru and Plue set sail for the seas of adventure, and that's where the first volume ends.

Got all that? Good.

Dusting off the second book, I realized that the art wasn't as good as I remember. Certainly, it's much better than I could do, but the characters' necks just look way too thin to support their heads. Or is that just part of the anime style of art that I've forgotten about? Of course, I shouldn't be too harsh when the characters from my all-time favorite manga, Dragon Knights, look like this:

Huckleberry Finn Haru and Plue land in Hip Hop Town, and I really like the weird world that the manga-ka, Hiro Mashima, has built for us. The panels can be a bit cluttered because there's a lot going on, and Mashima's slipped small background events in. I also want to point out these guys:

The sun and moon, to show time passing. I completely forgot they were in the manga, but I thought they were hilarious as a kid and I love them now. Don't ask me why.

After getting on shore, Plue promptly gets kidnapped. After a thrilling two pages of Haru searching around town, he finds Plue has been entered into dog races, which are a pretty big deal in town. Okay, I can go with it. What I cannot get past is why someone would actually think that Plue is (a) a dog, and (b) would be any good in a race. This is what the racing dogs look like:

This is Plue.

 Plue gets taken off the track for being the worst racing dog ever, and Haru interrupts the race and comes to his rescue, in a mad dash for the arena that would make Legolas proud. I still can't decide if using non-skateboard things as a skateboard is amazing or stupid. I'm probably going to go with stupid.

Haru beats up some mooks causes enough commotion that the head of the dog racing rink finally appears, who is...*gasp* a member of Demon Card!! So here we have Monster of the Week #1, Georco. Thus ends chapter 5 of Rave Master.

It wasn't that good. I did like that Haru got completely lost in Hip Hop Town while looking for Plue, which is what I would expect from someone visiting a large city for the first time. There's some world building already, and it's pretty fast-paced so far, so it's easy to keep my attention. Right now I kind of find Haru loud and obnoxious, but maybe that's because the only character he's interacted with thus far (that he wasn't beating up) is some kind of animal that doesn't talk.

Speaking of Haru beating up mooks, where did he learn how to fight? For a sixteen-year-old kid from a small, peaceful town, he sure knows how to throw a punch. By the time Georco shows up, he's already taken down about ten other people. As a kid, that seemed perfectly acceptable to me. As an adult, I realize that it's completely ridiculous unless Haru got a blackbelt before the series started.

Geez, all these things you don't think of when you're reading something for the first time.

Prologue: What is this nonsense?

A couple months ago, I embarked on a new adventure: cleaning my bedroom. This is a feat that has been undertaken many times, but is rarely ever completed. Now, the project has started again with new gusto, but has hit an unexpected road block.

The books.

It has become clear to me that I am a book hoarder. As I struggle to find my bedroom floor, I keep finding more and more books, some dating as far back as elementary school. The biggest problem, the real detriment to completing this feat of cleanliness, is figuring out what to do with the multitude of books.

From the full bookcase...

The overflowing shelves...

The cluttered cupboards...

And my library is beginning to make its way into the rest of the house...

Oh, and in case you've ever wondered, here's what 83 pounds of books look like:

It's become clear to me: something must be done.

If you're a reader like me, I think you'll agree that getting ride of books isn't a task that can be undertaken lightly. From the books you've read once and never touched again, the ones you seem to re-read every year, or the ones you keep around purely for sentimental value, it's not easy to decide which should stay and which should go. That's where this blog come in.

I'll be reading through this nonsense - indeed, re-reading my childhood and adolescence - to help determine the fate of all the books that I loved so much growing up. A few times a week, I'll be reviewing a chapter or two here, to help determine what should stay and what should go.

So fasten your seatbelts kids, it's gonna be a verbose ride.